TAKE A LOOK AROUND

Sitting in the sala looking across the room, the piano remains untouched and unmoved. Then as I take a step to have a closer look, I see dust covering its body and the strings are all rusty and old… Just like myself, as years pass I grew older and older each day but some things change. I used to be a sentimental person when I was still playing that thing, I used to be a girl who’s desperate to die coz I thought dying was the only solution to all my problems. I thought I was born in this world accidentally and my existence was just a mistake but as I stopped playing that instrument it was like the beginning of a new me. The me who’s trying to be a person who can move on and live a life with happiness despite of all the unfortunate events that’s happening in my life. Until now even when sometimes I felt like I’m carrying the world in my shoulders I still try to look at the bright side of life even at times where I am telling myself already that I wanna die or vanish like a mist in the wind.. I just let out the words that I want to say to make me feel better or sometimes scream in a place where there are no people around to let out what’s weighing my heart down. Then after that I stop, take a look around, pause and think…

I’m not the unluckiest person in the world, although sometimes I do feel that way, still I’m so blessed. What makes me think I’m so blessed? I take a look around and I see people who are more unfortunate than me.

I see beggars begging for money or this special children who are deprive by a normal body the moment they were born and even just by listening to the radio like DXDZ whatever, you can hear this people begging for help because of their health problems…

and then I’ll begin thinking that even when I’m suffering I’m still blessed coz God hasn’t deprived me of everything yet, I can still eat whenever I want to, take a bath and walk with my two feet.

And the pain that he has given me is just for me to see the people around me who are more in need than me. Maybe someday if I’ll be given a chance to be more blessed, those blessings will be shared to those people.

I FELT SAFE NOW

I asked you to let go coz i want to understand people whom i cant understand. But when you let go, grievance is what i suffered. I became weak and vulnerable to things that i shouldnt have done. Things are starting to get confusing and the feeling of emptiness came rushing through my veins… You have left me… that is what i felt. Then i want to fill my emptiness with things that i thought could fill it… but still its not enough… I became irrational, impulsive and indecisive with my actions and to what i really want to do with my life… So many wrong things ive done that i considered a mistake but still keeps on committing them coz sometimes wrong things feels right eventhough it doesnt fill and ease the emptiness completely. Until finally you gave me this last blow in my life, an explosion caused by my wrong actions, where i felt devastated and fallen so flat on the ground. I lost my self-esteem, confidence and all that could make me feel worthy of an existence in this world. I felt so small and every dawn and night is like a torture to me, a nightmare that cannot be vanquish. Even in my waking hours i felt like being stab by a hundred knives that cant kill but stings in your flesh, heart and mind. It hurts, the pain is so tremendous that i dont know what to do anymore to make it go away… Then i think of you and beg you for help and forgiveness about the things that i have done. I need you back, i need you back inside my heart to fill the emptiness that cant be filled and in doing this i know i have to ask for full forgiveness from you and to some people that i know ive caused pain, coz i know in doing this that emptiness will be filled by you. I asked you to let go and you did let go, i asked you to comeback but it was not that easy for you to comeback. I have to do things to attain you back and now that your back in my heart, i wont ask you to leave again like i did before. I understand now what others are passing and it felt good to understand them without even asking them why are they doing this and that… After everything that happened, theres no mistake after all, just answers to the questions that i was asking. Thank You Lord for Everything… Your still my God, Lord and Savior… I Felt Safe Now that i have YOU …

WHAT I FEEL

Here i am blogging again about my feelings just like what i used to do in my old account, i cant help it, especially when i listen to this alternative songs from the 1990s. It brings me back to this melancholic feeling that i used to feel, i want to cry for something i cant explain, coz the music brings me pain and sadness. Oh me, i dont wanna cry, i dont wanna feel this way again but something inside me tells me not to stop and just let my mind and heart reminisce the past events where i laugh and cry with this people whom i considered "Gods gift to me". I miss my friends, my high school friends who stayed with me through thick and thin. I miss the things that we used to do and the feeling that they make me feel whenever im with them. They were always there to make me happy and make me laugh about nonsense things that they do and say. There’s just something about them that makes me feel and say "Im so lucky to have them in my life coz not everyday ill find people like them"… Its been quite awhile now since i haven’t seen them, unlike before that i always find time to see them not more than 2 months. But things are different now, im not growing young and even my perceptions in life are changing too, so many things just happened lately that made me come up to this priorities that im trying to live right now. If before, i was always weak and needed all your presence to give me confidence, strength, hope and perseverance to keep up with my used to be messed-up life, right now im trying not to be so dependent on all of you in gaining strength to keep-up whenever im having emotional problems… ill break down if i have to in a place where im alone and let out all the pain then carry on again with my life without letting my unwanted emotions rule over me so i wont messed-up again. I need to learn to deal with things alone now so that when the time comes that youll be leaving me, it wouldnt be that hard for me. Most of our batch and the people that i knew have gone abroad now and i know sooner or later youll be doing the same thing coz Things are changing now, soon youll be working in places far from Davao or marry and live somewhere. But eventhough things are changing, i still know in my heart that even if time and place will separate us for a long period of time and well be having new friends and mingle with different people, the moment well see each other again after 48 years, it would still feel the same, the friendship would still be there coz i know what i found in you is true friendship that not everyday ill always find in other people. I will always treasure the moments that weve shared and the friendship that you all shared with me especially for making me feel that its not about the place or the amount of money you have that makes a person happy but its about the people whom your with or share it with that makes it worth living for. Thank You…

In your arms…. Slumbered the night away... How far will you Write???

Lying in your arms, feeling you here with me doesn't really felt like you existed beside me.. it doesn't feel wrong and at the same time it doesn't feel right.. don't really know what I should feel, but one thing is certain, what I feel is gone now.. that excitement knowing ill see you and be with you is gone.. don't know if you feel the same, but there's no real thing to this.. guess love don't grew for me whenever this thing happens.. I'll leave.. just like what I used to do whenever this happens.. leave like nothing happened.. No goodbyes and No hellos… after this just leaving without saying anything.. there's nothing wrong with you.. this is just me always leaving just like the me before, the me that No one can own because I don't hold on.. I don't hold on to that.. that doesn't make me hold on…

I'm with you.. I chose that time to be with you but still I felt disappointed, it's like something is missing, but I do like you.. it's just that I'm not really sure with what I want.. or maybe I'm just looking for someone who will say NO.. guess I'm just not like the usual girls who holds on to things like this.. say NO to me but still make me feel you CARE then my feelings will grow for you.. but make me feel you want me like that then it will die and fade away..

..LOVE.. what is LOVE??.. it's so easy to spend time with anyone then they'll think your inlove with them.. but LOVE.. LOVE doesn't grew that easily in my heart, but that doesn't mean I have a heart of stone, it's just that in my mind.. Things like that will not make me love you because it makes me go away or eventually fades my feelings away if I'm already into you.. I like you and I like thinking that you like me too, but there's No LOVE to that..  It's just "Like".. and it just felt like everything is easy.. so fast.. and Love doesn't sprung in my heart that fast…

If it's like this.. I don't want it..

Both in slumber yet together are thoughts are far away from each other.. LOVE.. It doesn't grew like this.. It wont.. If it will?? I can't call it LOVE, neither do you if LOVE is special for You.. LOVE is not that easy to accomplish, not from me and also for you if you want me to love You..  Lets start from the beginning, the beginning where it's not yet stained by this.. I don't want it to sprung from stuff like this..

.…Relationships… there will be None if it's just because of this.. I don't want it.. Nothing happened.. From a deep slumber we were awaken to reality that the night is over and everything is over, just like the light uncovers the dark that surrounds at night… No Expectations.. No Worries.. Were not like that.. Nothing happened…

Let LOVE sprung first before that, then that will feel special like a Dream made real that lasts for more than a day or even a year..

Sharing Something about what I've Observed...The Negative Effects of seeking LOVELIFE

Back then when i was 14 years old i used to have a friend who lives in the belief that real happiness could only be found if you fell inlove, get married and have children..

On that age she also lost her innocence due to seeking lovelife in order to feel the kind of happiness describe in love songs..the guy wasn't serious with her coz his not even her lover and she was just caught up by the guys lie that made her felt he could be the one..after that, she became desperate to find a lover who could accept her despite losing her innocence and when she turned 15 she met someone years older than her whom she met through Texting. She fell inlove and run away with the guy at the age of 16 years old because her parents were opposed to the way she takes her lovelife too seriously..

and at the age of 17 she came home along with the guy, and after several weeks she got pregnant. Her parents supported them financially and everything they needed coz they couldnt support themselves alone..when she turned 20, the guy decided to work in a cruise ship but he has to undergo a training first before he could board that ship and ofcourse you need to pay the training fees first before you can join that training and the one who paid for his training fees is HER family along with those other expenses needed for him to fully board that ship.

When his guy finally boarded the ship, she discovered that her father was having an affair with another woman and she was like criticizing her mom because she thinks her father wont have an affair with another woman if her mother didnt lack any attention to her father like the way she is with her guy because shes a daddy's girl and she takes very good care of her guy..then after one year, she discoverd that her guy was having an affair in that ship and the guy didn't deny that to her. Her guy asked for forgiveness and 2nd chance but she refuse to give it to him coz she cant take the thought that he cheated after everything she sacrifice for him...

After that she became desperate again, hoping that shell meet someone who could love and accept her along with her child, someone who will never cheat like her ex...in seeking that guy, she met a fool who used her and she end up more desperate in finding true love..until she found someone who made her feel accepted and loved again..and again her parents were against it coz the guy has two children, no job and just been annulled from marriage..and again she cared so much for that guy and rebel to her parents coz she fell inlove with a new guy who made her feel accepted again..

it was like shes just repeating the past and the only difference is the present guy has two children while the past was purely single...after several months she got pregnant with the new guy and so again her parents supported them and this time her parents built them a house to live coz they automatically have 3 children plus the upcoming baby thats inside her womb so all in all they have 4 children including her son..

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If having Lovelife means feeling Real happiness then why is it that when you raise questions such as this questions below, you will find doubts in their answers.. ..

When i ask most women who got married or presently living-in with someone this questions....

1. Are you really happy?? some will reply....."Yes"

but then when you add another question such as..

2. If ever your child will grow up and fell inlove at the same age you did and want to do the same thing you did coz your child finds happiness from that person, will you be happy for your child?? coz your child found the same happiness you did?!..

then mostly you will hear them saying... "No!, i dont want my child to get married and have kids at a young age, i want them to finish their studies first"...

...If you hear them answer this, then that means they are not really that happy because a mother will always want whats best for her child and the word "happiness" is what most mothers longed for their child to feel,.. that oftentimes results to lack of understanding over their childrens emotions and ends up yelling and making situations worst because they tend to forget the reasons and feelings they felt before that trigger them to act in an irrational way...coz most of the time its hard for parents to have a heart to heart talk where they will admit to their children the mistakes they did in the past because usually less educated parents and had limited exposure to society because they got married at an early age often results to lacking the ability to explain in a calm manner the negative effects of irrational decisions. They dont wanna site their mistakes as an example to help explain to their children the reasons why getting married at an early age is wrong for them...because they refuse to accept the fact that what they did before was a mistake because they have this kind of belief that they are parents and parents are always right and if the child ask questions why they acted like this or that? and include their opinion about it, they will think of it as having no respect coz the child cross the line by questioning them, coz they are parents and if theyll say this or that, that should not be questioned because its expected to be followed by their children coz they said so...and when that happens, the child becomes confuse why its not good for her or him,why is it considered bad..

and so, the child becomes more and more detach to her parents, thinking they will never understand her/him.........when things could be better understood if both would be willing to listen to each others explanations and reasons along with siting examples to be better understood.

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And also Some Women answer the question... 1. Are you really Happy??...by saying..

"My husband accepted my past and his a good man"....but the question being ask is

""Are you really Happy?""

which is answerable by "Yes" or "No"....if the answer is uncertain coz it wasn't answered confidently by "Yes", the woman is not really Happy, she just wanted to find someone who could accept her thinking that that acceptance from a guy could really make her happy..

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the thing ive observe about desperate women who keeps on thinking that lovelife is the only source of real happiness oftentimes results to more misery instead of more happiness...its hard for them to foresee those possible additional problems they can get by acting impulsively base on their emotions alone coz their emotions keeps telling them "I need lovelife" or "Lovelife is the way to real happiness"..and by thinking this way it will only make it harder for them to feel the word happiness without Lovelife because its Psychological, the more you'll tell yourself you cant be happy without it, the more you really wont see other ways of feeling the word happiness without it..and you'll end up having relationships where you'll look like your already begging someone to love you coz it becomes hard for you to see if the guy is taking you seriously or not eventhough the answer is already obvious infront of your face..and oftentimes desperate women realize this when too much damage on their part has already taken place, like being pregnant at a young age without a father, then after that, they will repeat it again irrationally..

and when this women ask for your opinion and you give advices to them and tells them the possible negative outcome and how much damage it will do to them, and those people nearest to them such as their parents or family, they will listen but wont absorb it....

and the words thats more easier to process in their state of mind is just this line

......"do everything you feel like doing if you think doing that could make you happy coz if it wont,then in the end when you get too much exhausted from chasing someone, you'll stop on your own even without anyone telling you to stop".........

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desperate women forgets to ask themselves.. "if having lovelife means real happiness, then why does tears keep falling on and off their eyes?"...

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if you want real happiness then you should start by getting to know yourself first, what you want and why you want it?...

start by asking questions to yourself...

1. What do you really want?? and

2. Why do you want it so much??..

3. What are your reasons?? and

4. How did you come up with those reasons??..

5. Where did you base those reasons??

6. Are you that certain its accurate??..

7. If you are, then again, why??.............................................................................

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keep throwing questions to yourself eventhough some of the questions are questions you've already ask before and try finding its answers from yourself too..using your own perceptions and using reverse psychology on yourself until you'll realize where you went wrong, what triggers you to commit those actions and what did you learn after realizing your mistake...

.When you ask questions to yourself and you seek for answers inside you, always remember not to put all the blame on another person because the more you blame other people the more it will be hard for you to exercise "Acceptance and humbleness" because through that you will learn to see the good outcome out of those bad circumstances you've manage to surpass....

because oftentimes vagueness becomes clearer to see when you start raising questions to yourself instead of asking advice from other people..learn to find answers within yourself by reflecting about the matter that triggers your emotions to feel unstable...then eventually you will become emotionally independent..

and slowly you will find yourself finding happiness in simple things even without lovelife...

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Learn to accept yourself first before wanting others to accept you, so that feeling the word Happiness will be more easier to acquire on your own...

Because when your emotionally happy on your own, it is easier to make another person happy just by being with you..

Loving Jang Geun Suk

Has anyone heard the name Jang Geun Suk?. I bet most asians have especially the ones residing in Korea. I started loving this guy after watching the movie "DoReMiFaSoLaTiDo" in YouTube then followed by "You're Beautiful" which is a Koreanovela with english subs thats also found in YouTube. That time I was bored and one way to lessen my boredom is to face the monitor and begin surfing the internet or watch YouTube. Do I sound redundant every-time i kept on repeating the word "YouTube"??. Anyway, this guy is way too cute according to my senses and every-time I see his videos its like my nerves are electrified with warm chills that send shivers to my heart then it makes me wanna scream "Jang Geun Suk I Love You". But of-course I wont do that because those people around me might think I'm crazy. I got so hook with his videos and movies that later on I ended up creating a Facebook account for him so that I can accept myself in his account as his girlfriend. So whenever someone opens my Facebook account they will see my status as "in-a-relationship with Jang Geun Suk".

Then there was one time where a korean girl sent me a message in Facebook asking me if his really my boyfriend?..and I was like, is this question for real? I mean look at his face and fame, is it that believable for someone like him to court me and really become my boyfriend?..Gosh, in my illusion its so real, no doubt he is my lover..haha, but seriously I mean his so cute and famous that thinking of him noticing me is like a pebble on the ground trying to reach big dipper above the sky. I was only bluffing when I posted on my account his my Boyfriend(how I wish thats so true) and that made one of his fans confused about his real status?? Wow, maybe we really do look good together..haha. By the way, have I mentioned here that that korean girl also added him on her account thinking its really him opening that account? Oh,come on, his a singer actor of-course many fans will make facebook accounts for him so technically if you wanted to add him you will find yourself adding someone else whom you assume to be him.. Or maybe I just really look good with him thats why posting that his my boyfriend in facebook is almost believable...

"I love you, Jang Geun Suk" ^_^ ...............in korean "Saranghe, Jang Geun Suk Oppa" ^_^

A Nonsense unable to call it "Love Story"... ( Just practicing my English proficiency )

If I am to write a Story it would be something like this....TITLE: The Black Cat
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On a bright sunny day, a man walks on the pavement thinking how wonderful the sun shines above the sky. He keeps on looking at the sky, maybe his practicing how blind men walks because his no longer looking at the pavement. Then suddenly he faltered and bumps into the girl walking infront of him. The girl scream thinking theres a maniac behind her faking his movements so it would look like he faltered towards her accidentally. The man explained that it was really an accident and apologizes to her but since the girl is stubborn, she didn't accept his apology instead gave him a condition. If his going to treat her lunch then shes going to forgive him. And so the man took her to lunch so he would be forgiven. On there way to the restaurant a BLACK CAT walk pass them, then the girl stopped walking and exclaimed that they shouldn't continue because thats bad luck. Then the man explain to her that what she's thinking is just an unrealistic superstitious belief. So the girl believe him and they continue walking together heading for the restaurant nearby. When they're already inside the restaurant. The man gave her the menu so she can order, then after she ordered her meal she gave the menu back to the man but the man didn't order anything, instead he gave the menu back to the waiter. When the girl ask why he didn't order anything he just answered "I'm on diet". So the girl ate alone, when the girl is almost finish eating the man took a piece of candy from his pocket and put it in his mouth. When the waiter came back to the table and gave the man her bill. His eyes open wide and start coughing and choking until his head fell on the table and lost consciousness. The waiter panic and call for an ambulance. When the ambulance arrived and the doctor touch the mans pulse, he then declared that his no longer alive. The girl cry and cry on the table, so the doctor came closer to her and ask her why? she then answered "who will pay the bill now that his already dead?.. then the doctor answered in a calm and soothing voice "now that his soul rest in peace, ofcourse who else my child,but You?!"....the girl cried more while yelling "why??" repeatedly to the doctor and at the same time she throw punches to his chest, and since his asthmatic, his asthma was triggered and he is having trouble breathing until he loses consciousness .. the girl was shock after she witness the doctors suffering infront of her and she never return to her normal state again.. so again, the waiter called an institution and this time its a Mental hospital to pick up a new patient to be added on their list....and since no one paid for her meal, it was deducted on the waiters salary....and since the waiter couldn't take it, he committed suicide inside the kitchen. And the restaurant became hunted after that day. 
THE END
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The fastest way to end a Story is to kill everyone in it so it will end up quickly and there will be no more sequel...is it that Bad???..nah.. i just felt lazy thats why i killed them all...Bwahahaha...devil laugh.. BAD WRITER!!!...haha

Something to say about Jobs Fair...ad lib to make it sound a lil pleasant

On the 1st day of May, a Jobs Fair was held in SM City Davao, Philippines and was conducted by a lot of company representatives for them to find suitable employees for those job vacancies in their companies. Many jobless people flock along with their resumes to the entertainment area of SM City Davao to apply for those job vacancies that were presented but sad to say only few were accepted compared to the amount of people who went there to apply. Different jobless batch went there to apply for work but at the end of the day majority of them went home remaining jobless. Others despite not being hired were not disappointed because the place became a reunion site for most fresh graduates and those people who haven't seen their friends for quite some time until that day due to losing communication because of accidentally losing the other person's contact number or other source of communication that will enable a person to keep on communicating another person. Greetings, laughing and chatting became the main event for most people there who knew each other. Sandals, Heels and Shoes became the measurement of a person's ability to keep up in their standing position while waiting for their turn to be interviewed because the time length of your varicose veins to ache depends on the type of footwear your wearing. If your wearing a Steleto type of footwear, expect that your legs will feel pain faster than wearing a flat sandals. Smokers seem to can't wait more longer in line because their cigarette cravings are stronger compared to their drive to be employed and lazy people have lesser opportunities to be hired because of their laziness to line-up to those long-slow-moving lines. But eventhough not everyone got hired, attending Jobs Fair is still worth spending some of their time because it became one of the ways to measure their eagerness and patience in applying for a Job.

QUESTION: Tell me about Yourself...(A determined Lazy Applicant)

My name is Cyndy Basas born on the 3rd day of the month of July in the year 1985. I am currently living in Davao City, Philippines but have lots of plans in going abroad. The only problem is it will remain as a "plan" because I am the type of person who keeps on planning and dreaming about big things to happen in my life but have lesser abilities to make those dreams happen. Or maybe my dreams are just too high that even my height can't reach it. My height is 4'11 with a weight of 47 kilos but has a very attractive face according to my own eyes. By the way, can i laugh at this part?? Hahaha. I'm 20/20 vision with a wavy hair and a Fair looking skin whenever I'm sitting beside dark colored women. I also love to joke around sometimes when I'm in the mood like what I just wrote awhile ago. Anyway, I graduated last April 10, 2010 at John Paul II College of Davao with a degree of Bachelor of Science in Business Administration major in Marketing. So, at present I am currently looking for a job and currently looking for a job to me means I'll look for a job not just in Job Fairs held at malls but also Jobs that are posted on the internet. So, ill keep on looking, meaning just look at it with my two eyes and read it. Just keep on reading their descriptions and then move away my eyeballs to look for another Job again that I'll just end up reading again their descriptions but not applying for any. Is there a job where all I'll do is read their descriptions?? where I'll keep on reading and reading but not applying??..hehe... joke
Anyway, I haven't receive my TOR yet or Transcript of Records to make it longer.., because I just graduated last month.. but still I am very eager to find a job.

ME being SINGLE......writing is my thing thats why I'm writing whats on my Mind

There are so many singles around hoping to get in-a-relationship with another single like them yet when its already infront of them they refuse to see..why is that?? actually finding a partner this days is so easy coz we are now living in a Hi-Tech World...but why is it that there are still a lot of singles out there? even I, im still single and my sister too at the age of 30..haha...Anyway, sometimes when loneliness gets me, i could think of just getting myself a BF and just be in-a-relationship just so i could say i have a BF...but then again if ill do that i could see myself as a person whose immature....why? because if ill do just that then being Single for quite awhile would turn into waste coz i did not stay single for long just to be in-a-relationship again where its like i did not learn anything from the past....never again will i be in a relationship where our minds don't meet coz thats a stressful relationship....there will be hold backs,limitations and indirect conversations where too many adjustments needed just so youll become compatible with each other...Love?? when your in a relationship and years will pass, Love eventually diminishes from one of you and when that happens having a conversation with your partner will be difficult coz from the very beginning you were not compatible with each other, both of you just became compatible  because of those adjustments you made with each other and when your love is gone you will stop adjusting, why is that?? coz you'll run out of reasons to adjust anymore coz you simple just fell out of love....Meeting someones mind is important and thats what i learned from my past relationships coz if your minds meet then saying whats on your mind all the time wont be difficult and being compatible with each other becomes spontaneous and easy at the same time, it becomes something natural on both your part...

If ill be in a relationship again it is important for me to meet someones mind so i could easily say directly whats on my mind... coz not being able to speak directly whats on my mind when im in a relationship will become a breading ground for silent pains in my heart.....

Anyway,the greatest Lesson Ive learned from my past relationships is never Lie and never try to hide anything from your partner coz you will never be completely happy in a relationship if you have lies inside that relationship.

Talking about Friendship....

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On my constant interaction with different people from elem-highschool-college-work..

 "Most group of friends who are happy with their friendship always claims and sees themselves as the best group of friends that ever exist compared to other people who have group of friends.." --but the thing is they weren't there the whole time in other people's lives and the same goes to those other people who also think the same.

 SO HOW WILL THEY KNOW THAT OTHERS AREN'T BEST?

Went out last night and got home in the morning..i'm with my 4th yr highschool fren,weve been friends for 10yrs now and in those yrs we've gone through a lot already,had fights,make-up and really been through a lot..constantly seeing each other despite dwelling in different environments...THEN the other group of friends were with last night claims they have the best friendship compared to ours,and my friend also claims our group of friends is the best compared to their friendship coz we've been through a lot together as in really-really a lot... ANYWAY,On my opinion today, i can't say who's friendship is better coz i wasn't their in those peoples lives so i wasn't their to watch how they are with each other through the years they've been together...and also,i've been to a lot of friendships too who claims the same..had a friend in grade 6 who became my bestfriend till college who claims our friendship is better than my childhood bestfriend,and that time my childhood bestfriend and me also thinks the same "ours is better than others"..when i entered 2nd yr highschool,also had group of friends there that still exist today and the same with everyone else,this group of friends also thinks our group of friends is the best,no need to drink or take drugs to act crazy and have fun coz everyone's cracked when their together.. in my Davaodoc days,our group of friends also claims our friendship is the best compared to others group of friends inside the classroom coz everyday is like a laughing day..i think my 3rd yr highschool friendship is the only group of friends that don't claim the same, and i think it's because when we get to college a gap regarding the likes and dislikes of my two friends here became way too big..the other one became girly and sausy type while the other one remains so simple,so none of them kept seeing each other if i'm not around coz they don't have the same likes..I'm like the middle in this group of friends,i can be girly with that girly-social friend and i can also be cowgirl and simple when i'm with my simple friend..but i'm much closer to this simple friend coz our communication is always there despite the years, while with my girly-friend it's like we only communicate each other when were gonna see each other, then she disappears for awhile then reappears again, and you can't contact her easily, it's something like you have to wait if she feels like contacting you, so the friendship is something unstable eventhough it lasted for years coz you have to depend on how she feels..unlike my other friend and group of friends,if you happen to lose communication,you still know how to find each other coz its something stable..Anyway, in this group of friends, I'm also much closer to this Cowgirl-Simple friend coz i'm already close to her family coz of years of friendship i had with her..In those years i always stay in their house to visit,sleep,eat and other stuff,her mom also already saw me crying coz of something in the past coz i have already become open to this family ..this is also the friend whose home i see as my 2nd home coz of everything that has happened in all those years of friendship i had with her and spending days in her house and family..but eventhough my friendship with her is like that,it doesn't mean i don't need my other friends coz for me all of them are best coz each of my longtime group of friends has different qualities that i love and misses when im not seeing them that makes me feel that i have the best friendship with them whenever i'm with each of them...i think the only time i didn't felt It was the best friendship with one group was when we had a fight where for 9months we didn't see each other and that was the longest time i never saw them..thankfully we make up on christmas day and it felt good again ^_^

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So i guess when people claims their friendship is the best compared to other people's friendship its because they feel genuine happiness on those friends they found.

Why is it that you realize you love your ex so much when his already with someone else??

I thought about it for weeks and now i came to realize that I just cannot hate him or get angry with Him because he has fallen for someone else... Why?? simple because back in college when we broke up march 2009, after my OJT he contacted me and I told him bluntly that the relationship cannot be fix because i've completely fallen out of love with him. Inside 2years and 5months when we were separated from each other after our break-up he never gave up on me, and everytime I kept reminding him of how much i've fallen out of love with him as in totally i have no more feelings for Him he never turned bitter on Me. He never got angry with Me or even tried replacing me despite my bluntness with him...He knows the painful things that i'm doing where i think other guys will find it hard to accept if they were on his shoes. BUT he never left and never turned bitter on me despite everything that i've done when were apart. He still remained a friend to me despite everything.
THIS TIME...after thinking a lot, I actually understand why he has fallen..he is undergoing the common phase that most people undergo after break-up..battling your weakness and vulnerability...You will give-in if you are spiritually weak, BUT you can survive on your own "Alone" if you can keep a strong spirit and rational mind while dealing with mix emotions in trying to surpass the pain caused by break-up..
{{IF YOU ARE UGLY or your partner is so ugly, DON'T WORRY too much..only few people will attempt to take advantage of the person's vulnerability, that is if his not the one making a move to move on from the relationship..(just kidding ;) hehe....}}
WHAT HAPPENED to our relationship??... i broke up with Him and he felt down..then a girl notice how down he is so this girl started approaching Him and started consoling Him (mined you, His not ugly and his now a manger in a particular area of that company so ofcourse He is now attractive to other women inside that company)... in my absence this girl kept approaching Him and cared for him when he is down, and because of that care He started opening up about the problems we had in our relationship and the girl is giving him advices on how to get over me easily. He felt comfort out of the girl's presence and slowly he developed feelings for her.... While Me on the other hand was hoping he'll learn and do something about what's wrong with our relationship and why i have to end it... BUT the opposite happened.. I discovered his starting to have feelings for someone else, the one who generously lend him her shoulders for him to lean on when were apart...until finally his feelings are no longer mine anymore... and because of that I felt tremendous pain. I thought I'm not really inlove with Him before because when we used to be together i can still think of someone else..but when i discovered his falling for someone else I realize how painful it is to know that he has finally got over me because his feelings are no longer mine... Reading how he is hurting from someone else on his wall is not so easy to take.. BUT i cannot hate Him, I cannot be bitter with Him.. i tried ranting to myself about his bad sides BUT it's not enough to make me hate Him...simply because no matter how much i'll think about his wrong doings, THE good side in him that he has shown to me before when we first broke-up on how he was taking it without thoughts of replacing me is dominating in my mind more than the reason why i'm feeling this tremendous pain now, which is caused by Him having feelings for someone else. I cannot hate Him because he never once hated me inside 2years and 5months of our break-up.. I cannot be bitter with him because he was never bitter with me inside 2years and 5months of our break-up.. He never left me as a friend despite knowing I'm NOT inlove with him anymore inside those years, and the fact that he knows the things i've been doing which isn't good those times when were apart... He waited for Me.. Everytime i'm breaking up with someone else those times He kept coming back to me, to ask me If he can again be my boyfriend, BUT I always turned Him down, telling him i have no more feelings for Him. BUT still He remained my friend despite my bluntness to him. Until finally after 2years and 5months of our break up I gave him a chance....and that's why we got back together.
So...if i'll only think about my own feelings now on how hurt I am because his falling for someone else, that will be too selfish of Me because those times when i was having feelings for someone else He never left Me as a friend.
Anyway, a relationship is composed of two things Happy days and Bad days...why is there a need for me to think too much of the bad days when actually in our whole relationship those bad days are only small portions of the whole relationship?!...in my mind i am fighting my own thoughts..I shouldn't let pain dominate me more coz that will lead me to focus only on the bad side instead of thinking also about the good side that mostly composed our relationship.
Anyway, CURRENTLY we are friends.. the other girl has turn cold on him because she is confuse if he still got feelings for me or not because until now he hasn't change his status or remove my pictures on his profile. She even asked him why he is seeing me last time when we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore because we already broke up..it's more like we shouldn't be friends because we already broke up....the girl doesn't feel secure with his feelings for her. So the girl made a move to get over him by turning cold and being with someone else infront of Him. And seeing the other girl with someone else brings him pain which became the reason why in his wall he is suffering... As a friend, i am obliged to give him a more rational advice instead of a selfish one even if it means my own advice will hurt me... I told him "i'll give way coz i'm his ex..if He likes her it will be hard for him to convince her that he is no longer inlove with me if he is still friends with me and his profile still got pictures of Me, plus the fact that it is still in a relationship with me in his profile".
He is currently battling between the commitment he made with me and the feelings he now has for someone else that's why he doesn't wanna remove our photos...
AND ME on the other hand doesn't like competition. If someone wants my guy, i will give way if he has fallen for that someone, because i don't wanna keep Him by my side if He is no longer inlove with me because that would mean being with me won't be able to make him Happy anymore...BUT i can be a friend to Him if his not with someone else... I told Him to let go of our friendship because i'm his ex, it is not healthy to keep me as a friend if he wants his new interest to feel secure with him. But He doesn't want to let go, instead He told me if She can't understand our friendship then it's better if he won't continue pursuing her at all, instead he'll try to forget his feelings for her because his next GF should be able to understand that part. The part where Me and Him are still friends despite the break-up.
ANYWAY, eventhough it's somewhat heart melting to know his choosing our friendship instead of this new girl that he likes.. I'm not really holding on to his words and keep-in-mind that He can keep it... Because in this world, A lot could happen.. If you'll say something now, what you say now might change later due to mix emotions and undergoing different pressures of different situations that can caused alterations on how you meant it last time when you said it and how you'll feel after surpassing all of those pressures and circumstances that will take part on the coming days that hasn't pass yet...which can make you forget the used-to-be feeling when you said it. 
AGAIN: A lot could happen...so what is being said now might change when being thrown a lot of different situations and circumstances that can cause alterations in a person's state of mind and heart.

CAN I WHINE??????!!!!!!

duh oi!!!...been reading about Stock Market coz I'm trying to educate myself how to trade so later when I start working I will trade as well. Whats my reason?? i'm not a shopaholic so i'm looking for something  i'll enjoy buying like how people enjoy buying clothes...and now I bump into this guy on the Net who trade in Stock Market and tells me to start in Forex???.....hayyyyy..... I had a lot of free Forex Ebooks before and also saved some websites/blogsites for me to read But i deleted them all after reading some philippine review about Forex trading coz they say it's more difficult compared to Stock Market and it's hard to find a genuine Online Broker for it....and now I bump into this guy where we are talking about Online trading and advices me to start in Forex??? can i just say i finally made my mind think of Stock Market more than Forex and now i'll bump into this guy who easily gave me a Link where He trades in Forex?? He says it's one of the most reliable and honest brokers on the web... Haaaayyyyy....Why now and not before?? ...haaayyyy talaga!!...  why did I discover this at the time where I finally got the gots to start doing an online Stock trading game at PSE eventhough i know to myself I'm not ready yet to practice playing coz i haven't read all the Ebooks i've downloaded about Stock Market..doing the trading Game was last on my list before i'll do the actual trade... Anyway, i'm kinda in a rush this days after hearing from my sister that my Mom has plans on borrowing my savings coz again were gonna run out of money coz they invested it on another Liability which is a House!!...a House with no plans!! meaning to say my father dictates what he wants in that house where whenever he finds something he doesn't like while the carpenters are building it He tells them to change it, and it's been happening again and again and again..No accurate plan,always indecisive...He doens't even have an anticipated month where it should be finish!! and also won't listen to advices coz He thinks his Genuis...haaayyy...sometimes i think the salary we pay to the ones building it is even bigger than the amount we spend for the house...this is always our problem for years...No Financial management!! since i was little until I grew up We keep selling our Lands to survive the effects of Stupid Lack of Financial Management!!.. and now i try not to spend a lot on useless things, i didn't even gave myself a vacation like what my sister did after receiving her money she went to HongKong, went to Manila, Eat anywhere and buy things....while me I didn't do all that coz i wanted to do something else later on, I'm trying to save so later on when I know I'm ready I can make my savings grow faster instead of always spending on things that later on i know it will not matter to Me anymore coz i'll just forget about it like how it felt after living in Manila for months year 2004, if i'll look back it felt like i really didn't stayed there, I'm actually left with very little memory now, even with cebu..it's like nothing happened...so now I'm trying to save coz I wanted to do something in the future, Then i'll just receive a bad news where my savings will also be included later on in this useless piece of Liability that cannot generate income coz it's a House??!!...if it's something else like way more important than a House, taking my savings is okey especially if it concerns health..But since i find it unimportant coz it's just a House, we still have a House anyway so it's really somewhat disturbing to me...if it's about Health that is important, but since it's just a House i find it really unimportant,such a waste!!!.... The House should have been finish by now if only my father will stop acting like an engineer and leave it to the carpenters instead of always changing something whenever his mind change and he wants to change some of it's interior design and division.. it's such a waste of time and money.. You see.. the thing about money is that No matter how small it is if You have Financial management it will grow, But if you don't have Financial Management No matter How Big it is it will eventually diminish until it's Gone...They never learn from the Past.. Still No Financial Management.